What I did not sign up for

“Baby G, you are pushing my buttons today!!!”

“Really?” [Talking to Baby D] “Did you know Mamma had buttons?!”

Day 3 of Summer Break and they are already driving me insane.  Now sure, partial blame should be placed on Baby W who is less than a month away from gracing the world with his presence (don’t worry – the constant jabs and karate chops never let me forget he’s a growing boy).  However, a great blame can be placed on his two older brothers who insist on fighting over who’s turn it is to play Minecraft (what a senseless game!) and why in response to my pleas, it is truly impossible to play together.  Or why, mathematically speaking, Baby D got at LEAST 2mm more juice in his cup and that’s totally not fair!

But it’s ok – I can handle all of this.  I knew it was coming when the ultrasound showed me that extra body part (arggg why never a girl?!).  So I prepped for the summer:  had a large pool installed, searched the crevices of Pinterest for summer activities and ideas, signed them up for summer camps (mostly vacation Bible schools – who knows, maybe instilling some God in them will calm them down!!)

Some things, however, I did not sign up for.

This morning I dared entering their room – always a dangerous feat because you never know what you will find – living or not.  Today I found 2.5 living creatures in there:  BJ, the cat: alive and napping on the top bunk.  Though he isn’t really allowed in the house, I pick my battles wisely and this one just isn’t worth the fight.  Next, I find Zane, the turtle.  Just last week I realized his green little shell was turning slightly pale so I moved the poor guy into sunlight and he seemed very appreciative of the action.  He only hid his limbs in his little shell, but left his head peaking out as if thanking me in some weird turtle manner.  Today, also, he was just fine.  Lastly I spot the largest tank in the room, home to Dino, the newt (or salamander? No one is really sure what he is, honestly – the man at the mall swore he was a baby dinosaur, hence his name…)  I saw the tank, I saw the rocks Dino usually creeps out of when I come around, but what I did not see was Dino.

OH LORD! HE GOT OUT!  The thought of that slimy dinosaur lurking in my house sent chills down my spine!  “Man up, Woman!”, I tell myself.  I took a deep breath and dove straight into action.  I lifted the entire tank: water, rocks, and possible Dino and all.  The whole thing weighed a good 50 pounds (ok, I am probably exaggerating, but as always Baby W had to kick and that did not facilitate the move).  I took the tank to the bathroom, got some disposable plastic gloves (I have learned at least this: when living in a house full of boys and random animals, ALWAYS have disposable plastic gloves – you never know what grossness you have to collect), and slowly prepared for a tank clean-up.  First, I removed the rocks:  under rock one there was nothing but goo.  Under rock two, I discovered a slithering, slimy, and suddenly really skinny Dino.  Alive. So gross, but poor little guy, he did not look so happy.  Usually when he sees me he opens his gross little mouth all wide so I will drop a couple of his little dinosaur kernels into his tank.  But today he did not look too interested in lunch time.

Long story short, let me just draw you a picture:  I am 8 months pregnant, in my pajamas, singing lullabies to a newt/salamander/thing in my bathroom.  The boys come in to check on me and just watch in amazement as I show such love and compassion for an amphibian that as far as they knew, I thought was a repulsive, slimy creature.   But let’s be honest:  when we see another life living in distress, we, as mothers, step it up.

I cleaned his tank, placed him back in his home and then fed him (mouth wide open, this time).  He is a much happier Dino now.  Zane just looked at me from his again green shell, and BJ sneaked into my room – I do, after all, have the softest comforter in the house.

And would you listen to that?? -No yelling.  No fighting.  One of the boys, or both, must have fallen asleep.  Ah, no, there was a crashing sound now.  It’s all good in the world again…


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